Grief isnt Linear

This has honestly been one of the hardest years of my life. I lost my grandad at the beginning of the year. I had lived with him my whole life, he became my father figure. When he passed away so suddenly, it really rocked me to the core.

For the first few months I was on autopilot, just getting through the days, going through the motions. I thought that was okay until even that stopped. By New Years, the grief hit me so hard that it literally scared me. I thought I had already dealt with mourning but it was obvious I hadn't. I had just pushed my grief away until it became too big to ignore and began impacting my life.

I think what I struggled with the most, was trying to navigate a project that was so personal to me, whilst also trying to navigate death and grieving someone I loved so much. I had no passion for photography anymore, it was like the light to went out completely which is something I never thought would happen to me.

I stumbled through the next few months, had many ups and downs and have finally realised that it's okay that I haven't gone over his death yet. My grandad was an integral part of my life. I've realised that grief isn't linear by any means and if I keep persevering my efforts will come to fruition at some point. If I keep on having ‘Sabr’, everything will work out in the end.

This life changing event actually fuelled my practice now that I think about it. Even though I lost my passion for a little while, it started to come back slowly and I directed my grief into my project.